If Ahmadinejad Ruled the World

Ebrahim Nabavi, Rooz Online: an Iranian satirist.

"We have a duty to rule the world." These are the words of Iran'’s president Ahmadinejad who succeeded in finding ministers for all his cabinet posts after 5 months of searching. Right now, his government is getting ready for the day to run the whole world and this is what it's preoccupation is:

1-To achieve his goal of running the world, the president must know at least one language, for example Persian, which he must master to speak without any flaws or errors so that interpreters can translate them to the people of the world. This we know is a task that will take a few years to accomplish. READ MORE

2-To run the world, the president must be able to travel to other countries around the globe. It is really not enough just to have a passport for this, he must also get a visa to the destination. And that we know well means what.

3-To run the world, the president would need to form at least 180 cabinets on earth, and the problem is that in most countries, he has no relatives or friends to chose from. So if it took him 5 months to form the cabinet back at home, it is safe to forget the issue for the next forty years, which is how long it will take him to achieve the task for the 180+ countries around the globe.

It is of course possible that running the world by president Ahmadinejad may not bring much benefits to the people of the world, but that is irrelevant as this will certainly bring plenty of benefits to the Iranian people. Let’s look at the benefits.

1-In view of the historic hate of Iran and Iranians towards America, Britain, Israel, the Arabs, and the rest (we Iranians hate all foreigners), should Ahmadinejad run the world, we shall be able to revenge the historic injustice done to us and we shall take measures that will ensure their misery for the rest of time and the destruction of their country.

2-Since Iran has during the recent years been on the top of all negative lists of the world, such as number of traffic or air accidents, number of executions, extent of violations of human rights, number of shutdown newspapers, worst capital investments, size of the brain-drain, level of pollution, etc, Ahmadinejad'’s running of the world will change all that because others will become as bad as we are. So Iranians will feel pride that they are no longer the worst in the world.

3-If Ahmadinejad runs the world, Iran'’s brain-drain problem will be solved and no one will leave Iran. In fact the country'’s immigrants too will return to Iran as well, because every place in the world will be ruined and so there will be no reason to immigrate.

4-If Ahmadinejad's government takes over the world, hundreds of thousand young fundamentalist Hizbullahi men will leave Iran to run the world, and so the people of Iran will be relieved of their presence at home and will be able to again comfortably breath.

5-If Ahmadinejad runs the world, all his family relatives and friends will be extremely happy because they will all get jobs.

6-And finally, if Ahmadinejad becomes in charge of the world, the psyche problem of many Iranian immigrants in the West who feel terrible because of their self-alienation in those societies will not exists any more because every place in the world will become so bad that these individuals would no longer feel they are living in some foreign land. It would be the same all over the world.

Provides a peek into the frustration of Iranians with Ahmadinejad.