Friday, September 08, 2006

Khatami In Harvard: Mullahs and Liberals Not That Different!

Red Square, The People's Cube: a bit of satire...
While former Iranian President Mohammad Khatami's visit to the land of The Great Satan is welcomed by all progressive sleeper cells inside this country, his message of tolerance and moderation has become an object of vicious attacks from such hate groups as the Episcopal Church, the Jewish Community Relations Council, and Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney's office. The controversy is largely fueled by Mullah Khatami's planned visits to Harvard, Georgetown University, Columbia University, and the University of Virginia for a round of introspective talks and consultations aimed at helping the progressive academic community better to understand their role in the Global War on U.S. Imperialism. The former Iranian leader is also expected to share his rich experience in purging academia and creating a perfectly uniform intellectual climate of diversity for the Greater Good.

The Kennedy School of Government issued a statement saying that despite Governor's order to state agencies to deny security for the Muslim cleric, Harvard's own police force will protect Khatami from any hooligan who might question the Mullah's role in the 1999 massacre of student protesters in Tehran.

"We can understand Romney's disagreement with Khatami in order to pander to his Islamophobic constituency," said Harvard's spokesperson Melody Feelgood. "We nonetheless believe that active and open dialogue with this country's self-created "enemies" is a critical part of an effective anti-American education of our students, especially on the eve of these very annoying jingoistic 9/11 ceremonies."

"Such cultural exchanges are bound to show just how much we have in common with the Iranian Mullahs," added a Harvard professor of Deconstructionist Philosophy. "Both their mullahs and our professors deny mind and reality as a source of knowledge, actively purge academia of heretics, work to impose our enlightened views on the ignorant populace, consider Israel an illegitimate entity, and want to see America ultimately defeated - and, if possible, destroyed. And, of course, we and they share a fervent, relentless, spiteful hatred for George W. Bush." READ MORE

"I hope that the incredibly talented students at Harvard will grill Khatami on the many issues which prevent America from being a responsible member of the world community," said Joseph Bombgluck who teaches Comparative Histrionics. "Khatami should be expecting to answer some hard-ball questions about the legitimacy of falsified elections in Florida and Ohio, the Republican genocide of African Americans in New Orleans, the corporate glass ceiling that denies women access to the boardrooms, the absence of free healthcare, and the primitive American mindset that views President Bush as some sort of 'supreme leader.'"

The school campus is abuzz with preparations as many non-conformist student activists are putting together posters and placards saying We surrender! We're Sorry! Students For Civil Rights Welcome Khatami! We Switched Sides Long Time Ago! 444 Days Was Not Long Enough! Khatami for US President!

Both students and teachers will hold the placards as the Iranian Mullah delivers his speech titled "Ethics of Tolerance in the Age of Violence" at the school's John F. Kennedy Jr. Forum at 4 p.m. on Sunday.

"We haven't seen such display of diversity and tolerance since we invited Goebbels to speak on racial justice and the ethics of anti-Semitism," said Ms Feelgood as she wiped off a tear. "I wish Mullah Khatami could stay a little longer for the evening of reflections on the ethics of anal rape and non-violent approaches to child molestation, in which convicted child molesters will instruct students on the importance of respecting civil rights of child molesters."